The Birth of Magnolia Jane

This will be a story of comparisons.

Freddy’s pregnancy: minimal morning sickness – mostly an aversion to eggs, cravings for extra crispy hashbrowns with ketchup AND brown gravy, stretch marks at 40 weeks on the dot, felt pretty mcdecent

Maggie’s pregnancy: morning sickness all the way into the middle of the second trimester, back to back yeast infections (if that’s tmi, sorry, but it’s real life), SPD, exhausted beyond belief

When I had Freddy, it was magical. One of those ‘breathe the baby out’ situations. Heck, I was even cracking jokes as he was crowning! Not so with miss Maggie.

Prodromal labor with her starting on August 20th. I hadn’t experienced this with Freddy, so I was basically on the alert for labor unnecessarily at all times from that date forward. My water did not break until the morning of September 13th. I had some contractions around dinnertime that faded away, only to return in full force around 11pm. They were still 8-10 minutes apart, but they were very intense, so I made the choice to go into the birthing center.

We arrived at Roots at midnight. Karen, my doula, met us there. I walked up the stairs to the birthing suite and saw Jahan and Holly, my midwives. I was delighted. Holly and Karen were both at Freddy’s birth, so that in itself was special. Jahan was (at the time) a student midwife, and throughout Maggie’s pregnancy we really bonded. Corey and I loved the crap outta her. So essentially, we had our perfect birth team.

We hooked up my labor playlist and I started bopping around the room, singing and stretching and squatting — essentially just doing whatever I thought might feel good. I got into the tub preeeetty early on. I knew what I wanted, and my back was hurting so much already. I felt like the urge to push came pretty quickly as well. Corey said I was pushing for about two hours. I felt like I was giving it my all, but nothing was happening. I felt like she wasn’t moving at all. Holly asked if I wanted Jahan to see if she could feel anything, which I did. As it turns out, I had a lip on my cervix that wasn’t feeling like going away, due to Mags being crooked. Jahan pushed it back through a few contractions. Now, I’ve read several different accounts of this procedure since then, and they all said it’s supposed to be “excruciating” and “worse than the rest of labor.” Man, my back was hurting so. much. that I honestly couldn’t feel what she was doing. Small blessings? Haha.

With Freddy’s labor, I made almost no noise. With Maggie, I was roaring like a cave woman, or perhaps some creature possessed. I mean, at one point I literally yelled, “MAGNOLIA JANE, GET OUT!!!!!” I was having trouble channeling my pushing to the right area of my body (in fact, I was writhing in pain with every contraction re: back pain), so Holly suggested Corey and I play tug of war. They placed suction cup handles on either side of the tub, which I placed my feet on. Then, they rolled up a sheet and gave one end to Corey, and one end to me. With each contraction I pulled on that sheet like my life depended upon it. Like, my face is slightly numb and my eyes are beginning to pop out level physical exertion. Not long after we introduced tug of war, Maggie was born. Not only was she crooked — she decided to cock her head off to the side for crowning. HOWEVER. I did not tear. I started to, but didn’t fully and did not need any stitches. (Thank you Lord, thank you Lord!!)

Throughout the entire process, Corey was my superhero. He was so sweet the whole time. I could see how concerned he was for me in his eyes. He didn’t leave my side. He anticipated my needs. He held my hand. He’s a hell of a partner. And a hell of a daddy. I fall in love with him more every day when I watch him hold Maggie and talk to her.

Anyway, we got there at midnight, and miss Maggie Jane was born on September 14th at 4:06 a.m, 9lbs 5oz, 20 inches. Corey’s parents had driven from WI when my water broke, so they headed to the birthing center right away to meet her. Karen made Corey and I some bacon veggie stir fry, and it was amazing (thanks Karen!). Holly gave me pitocin after the birth to help with my clotting. Maggie latched onto the breast like a champion, I was healthy, and we were able to go home within a few hours. We arrived back at our house at 7:30 a.m.

Some postpartum stuff: Maggie didn’t lose any of her birth weight. She weighed in a week after birth at 10 lbs, and then at two weeks 10 lbs, 9oz. Hooray! She has a lip and tongue tie, but breastfeeding seems to be going just fine despite some initial latching issues. Corey’s parents stayed for almost a week to help us out after the birth (they are possibly actual saints), and returned the following week for two days. My mama also came down to help and visit. My postpartum doula, Diane, has been wonderful lactation support and has provided tons of resources for Corey and I.

This was a very challenging labor for me, but I wouldn’t change a thing. It changed my life, once again. And this time, I really felt like I totally exceeded what I previously thought my physical limitations were. I feel like a warrior.

Here’s some photos for you!

Re-evaluations.

I have some interests that I didn’t have before.

• I want to learn how to sew well
• I want to be able to build things

Well, I guess I’ve always had a vague interest in carpentry, but never enough to actually start a project. I’m still toying with what I want my first project to be, so stay tuned there. In adventures of sewing, the first thing I intend to tackle is reupholstering my glider! I have a glider from when Freddy was a tiny nug that works perfectly fine, but the cushions are stained and I just don’t find it aesthetically pleasing anymore. I’ve already begun by taking the chair apart and painting it white. Now I’m searching for fabric. The struggle is extremely real, because the cutest fabrics that I adore are also like $15-$19 a yard, and I’m not about that life. I’m probably going to mostly follow along with this tutorial, even though our gliders are slightly different.

This pregnancy has me far more exhausted than my first one ever did. I find myself debating the energy cost of running an errand many times a day. Most of the time, it’s enough just to spend the daytime chasing Freddy around and the evening at work. By the time I get to the weekend I’m a True Zombie. I’m trying to get out and do things despite that, though.

I went to a WIC appointment last week, and the lady told me I was gaining weight too quickly, and condescendingly said, “You know, there are a lot of parks in Minnesota! Do you think you could be active with Freddy and maybe take him to one?” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to punch her or cry, but I’m only offended because I was already insecure about my body. It is what it is. I did work out today (hooray me!), and I’ve made a pact with myself to not eat after 9pm. I know what I want to feel like and look like, and what I should eat like, but Lord mercy if I am not digging in my heels every inch of the way. It’s either commit or continue to feel like shit. That’s it. No other options.

Something in my soul was rising, rising, ceaselessly, painfully, and refused to be still.

—	Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Parenting While Pregnant & Staying Present

I have many gifts in this lifetime, but patience isn’t really one of them. I used to pride myself on being once of the most patient people I knew, but I was confusing patience with being calm. It is easy to remain calm about things that don’t rattle you. Because I am not bothered by many things, I thought that made me patient.

Enter motherhood.

HA! I can’t believe I ever thought that I, Crystal, was a patient person. Lord. Lord! I ask for more patience all the time, but then find myself making bargains with the Universe. Like, “Please give me more patience for this little dude, but like, don’t give me more patience by providing opportunities for my patience to be tested over and over again, I have had enough of that…can we try something different?” Unfortunately (or rather, fortunately), the Universe has the perfect way of teaching me the things that I need to learn – I just need to be cognizant and willing.

I am working hard to stay present in the moment. When I’m with my son, I’m trying to simply be with my son. I’m not thinking about my to-do list. I’m not thinking about the problems I have at work. I’m not trying to work on goal-setting. I’m a huge multi-tasker, and as a result it can sometimes be quite difficult for me to just be. But I find that when I am able to do that, I lose my temper less often. I’m able to slow down and really see things from the perspective of my child, instead of seeing things from the perspective of what I want to be happening in that moment.

Things have been a little challenging lately. I recently found out my insurance changed, and the birthing center I selected is no longer an option for me. What’s more, I will have to pay out of pocket for the five months or prenatal care I have received so far, and most likely for my ultrasound as well. So now my entire plan is up in the air, but I have faith it will get sorted. Corey is moving in at the end of this month, and I know he and I can weather any storm together.