I have many gifts in this lifetime, but patience isn’t really one of them. I used to pride myself on being once of the most patient people I knew, but I was confusing patience with being calm. It is easy to remain calm about things that don’t rattle you. Because I am not bothered by many things, I thought that made me patient.
Enter motherhood.
HA! I can’t believe I ever thought that I, Crystal, was a patient person. Lord. Lord! I ask for more patience all the time, but then find myself making bargains with the Universe. Like, “Please give me more patience for this little dude, but like, don’t give me more patience by providing opportunities for my patience to be tested over and over again, I have had enough of that…can we try something different?” Unfortunately (or rather, fortunately), the Universe has the perfect way of teaching me the things that I need to learn – I just need to be cognizant and willing.
I am working hard to stay present in the moment. When I’m with my son, I’m trying to simply be with my son. I’m not thinking about my to-do list. I’m not thinking about the problems I have at work. I’m not trying to work on goal-setting. I’m a huge multi-tasker, and as a result it can sometimes be quite difficult for me to just be. But I find that when I am able to do that, I lose my temper less often. I’m able to slow down and really see things from the perspective of my child, instead of seeing things from the perspective of what I want to be happening in that moment.
Things have been a little challenging lately. I recently found out my insurance changed, and the birthing center I selected is no longer an option for me. What’s more, I will have to pay out of pocket for the five months or prenatal care I have received so far, and most likely for my ultrasound as well. So now my entire plan is up in the air, but I have faith it will get sorted. Corey is moving in at the end of this month, and I know he and I can weather any storm together.
Searching for Myself 